Hi everybody,
This post has been in the making (mainly in my head) since I was in the hospital. I've debated whether I should post it or not. But If you're reading it, I guess I decided to post it afterall.
Everybody, near and far, people I know well and near-strangers have moved me to tears becuase of the support they have given me during this very difficult time in my life. Well, almost everyone, with the exception of two members of my own family. I won't mention their names, or their latest dirty deeds, but most of you know who they are. And if you don't, it's not really that important, that's not really the point anyway.
I didn't expect these people to be supportive, but what I didn't expect were them to be mean. This isn't the first time this couple has gone out of their way to be mean---oh, I don't know why, jealousy, unhappy with their own lives, who knows. I've attempted to extend the olive branch several times, only to have the branch snatched out of my hand, and shoved up my you-know-what. Everytime I make it to church, the gospel is always about forgiveness. I have tried to forgive these people over the years, and I guess I've been more-or-less successful, but I'm really having trouble this time. This last stunt was so mean-spirited, so uncalled for, I was just shocked. It shocked a lot of my friends too. Wyatt has written them off completely.
How do you forgive people that are undeserving, and hateful?
When I was in the hospital, I looked at all the flowers, cards and outpouring of support, and made a promise to myself that I whould concentrate on the people that care about me, and ignore the people that wish to do me harm. It's hard though. I don't know what to do, because it still bothers me from time to time. I guess time heals all wounds.
Any advice?
8 comments:
Hi Myra,
The only advice I can give is for you to concentrate on the people who supported you. The two family members, you speak of, are insignificant. Do not allow their act to overshadow the acts of the people who were good to you.
How do you forgive them? Lower your expectations. Do not apply the "reasonable person" standard to them. We all asked a multitude of people what they would have done in similar circumstances. They all told us that they would have ditched the past, stepped up and been supportive of you and your family. Your two family members are operating under a completely different code of conduct.
In the event that they were operating under the same code of conduct and acted against you with malice, you not only need to forgive them, you need to pray for them. Every now and then, we need to give the devil a good asskicking.
You are such a wonderful person Myra. Please do not let these people or anyone else affect you in a negative manner. I know your family members hurt you. Do not give them the power to continue hurting you.
Myra,
You have done all you can do with this situation. Don't beat yourself up over it. Some people just don't get it and can't move forward. Stay positive! Keep the people who are mean spirited and negative out of your life.
Robert
Baby,
All you can do is forgive them in your heart and move on. It doesn't do us any good to try and second guess people about their motives or intents or to judge them or label them. It isn't easy but when you do come to terms, forgive them and accept the situation as it is for what it is, it will lift you and sometimes even changes the situation. You are a wonderful person and this great majority of people who are standing by you just proves that out. I know that in your heart you are disturbed and hurt by this situation with these people because you are good hearted. But your friends here are right. Forgive and move on.
Big hugs,
Jilly
All I can think of to say may sound flippant, but it might be the answer in a nutshell. How about Dorothy Parker's famous quip to brighten your thoughts? It is, "Time wounds all heels," made famous in the late 40's, I think. You only have 2 choices in life: laugh or cry. I have a stinky relative who hurts me, too, and I choose to laugh.
don't know the story, but I think I have a good idea what this is about. Part of me hopes this doesn't sound too mean (given the circumstances and all), and another part of me doesn't care, because someone is hurting my Aunt.
I take the advice of the poet who said,"When people show you who they are...believe them." It's time for you to believe that these people are who they have been telling you they are for years.
Remember forgiveness is not forgetting, but moving on. I mean, everyone has to put the trash on the curb at some point.
Again, sorry if that seemed mean, but I am appalled by how some people can be!
Kim,
I liked that trash to the curb comment. I will remember that. You are exactly right, that is what I need to do.
M
Ditto to what my lil' sis said about taking the trash to the curb AND forgiveness does not mean FORGETTING. I've trained her well. (I had a lot of forgiving to do in my own life, especially with family members.) I'm gonna take another approach to this one. I have also heard, during my counseling studies, that forgiveness adds to physical illness. The stress of carrying around the grief and regret keeps our body from healing itself normally and in extreme cases, can cause cancer. Being that I have followed your journey on your blog, I know that you will want to avoid any unnecessary illness!!! Forgive for two reasons. 1- because we ask God to forgive us in the same way as we forgive those who hurt us. We don't DESERVE God's forgiveness, but he gives it anyway. The people who hurt you certainly don't deserve the forgiveness. If they are anything like my situation they probably don't even own up to their dirty deeds (and probably never will so don't wait on it!) Anyway, I rant... Number 2- forgive them for yourself and your family. Keep yourself healthy and less stressed and model that for you children. They will learn most about forgiveness from observing you. Though you may never discuss this with them, kids are smarter than you think. They are very intuitive and will catch on eventually. Model for them what you want them to become.
OK I'm done. I won't even send you a bill for the counseling. LOL
By the way, I stopped going to my classes for that counseling degree. Think I should continue?
Peace & Blessings,
Mika
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